The Chronicles of Jaller
"The Chronicles of Jaller" ''is a fanmade show by Harlan Haskins and Stephen Simmons. Intro to the Chronicles Mistakes in the Series *The characters are called "robots", but BIONICLEs are actually bio-mechanical. A Summary of the Show Jaller is a lovable, but stupid '''robot'. He thinks Hahli (actually Nuparu) is his friend, but Hahli disagrees, and he also edited what Jaller said about the first day they met. Hahli said, "You know, if I recall correctly, I think I hit you on the head. Hard. And you went--(clears throat)--Owwww!" Jaller insisted they were good friends, but Hahli said he didn't even want to be friends with him, and if he was around Jaller, he was just babysitting him so he wouldn't kill himself. Jaller has 'friends', like his brother Hewkii (who has a Russian accent), a dad, named Edward Locobolt, who is so stupid he has a disease that makes him repeat every last word he says after he finishes saying a sentence, a cousin he did not know is his cousin White Dude, an enemy named "Sugar", an evil cousin named Kyle (who is a Barraki), a mean uncle (Axonn), and a car named Un-Car. Jaller has hated that car because it crashes into him on purpose. After it runs into him the car yells, "Good as Newwww!!!" (though when Jaller had his abs the car couldn't run over him). even though Jaller has been crashed into, he is not good as new (he tried to fix himself the same way, but failed). Un-Car does the crashing because his master, Sugar, told him to, and yells, "Good as New!" just to be evil. Jaller stars in clips put together in a 3-5 minute movie being called "The Chronicles of Jaller" for the past three years. He also has two movies, and a Christmas special. It is a spoof of "Christmas Carol" with Hahli as Scrooge. Once he made an "Alien Away" medicine commercial that helps you be safe from aliens that want to turn humans and biomechanical beings into Jell-o™. He also has a Geico commercial, a Hulu commercial, and plenty of other commercials. You might say Jaller is a "celebrity". Quotes "I get hit by bus and fail" ―Hewkii "I went to the gym and got a bunch of abs!" ―Jaller in his new body "Hisssss" ―Kyle "I get hit by reindeer and fail" ―Hewkii on Christmas "Stand aside Tootsie Pops!" ―Axonn. "We are gathered here today to witness the union of Jaller and Jaller's death" ―Axonn at Jaller's funeral. Characters Main Characters *Jaller - An eccentric and quite stupid "robot" who is the main character.Jaller comes from a family of five: Himself, his father, his mother(who disappeared and has not been found), and his two brothers, Hewkii and George. After his brother George killed himself out up sheer stupidity, Jaller's dad, Edward Locobolt, assigned "friend" from Jaller's preschool, Hahli, to look after Jaller so he wouldn't kill himself. Hewkii stayed under close watch of Jaller's dad, and never left the home. When he was still pretty young, Jaller joined a band called "Shining Gears". Unfortunately, the band didn't last long, and no one is quite sure. It could've been because Jaller thought a guitar was made for hitting amplifiers with, maybe it was because their lead couldn't hold a note for three seconds, or maybe it was because their drummer leapt in front of a train. Whatever the reason, Jaller went on to work at a local restaurant, but was fired when he burnt it to the ground. After that, Jaller went through a state of depression in which he attempted suicide many times, all of which were foiled by Hahli. After his period of depression, Jaller became a light-hearted, jolly retard. He only made a few mistakes, like accidentally lighting Hahli's head on fire. Jaller's hobbies are sliding down slides, annoying the tar out of people, and shoving graham crackers up old peoples' rear ends. *Kyle (Ehlek) - Jaller's evil cousin who likes to try to kill Jaller. Due to drugs Kyle has lost his voice and only talks by growling and hissing.Kyle was an oddball from the start. His dad died from cocaine poisoning, his mom died of nicotine poisoning, and his little sister was murdered by caterpillars. Kyle lived in a box on the street, and used his sharp hand to stab people as they walked by. He never liked his cousin Jaller, and enjoyed choking him whenever he could. When Kyle was about the age of a human teenager, he was into pot, crack, tobacco, nicotine, heroine, steroids, and kittens. He wasn't very social, one reason being how his speech was pretty much ruined by all the drugs/pets he was on. About five years into his drug addiction, Kyle was caught. He was in prison for 7 years and never touched another drug after. He tried to get a job, but no one would hire him. He eventually became a garbage man. Unfortunately, he despised that job. He quit and decided to spend his life hanging out with his two "friends" (Chuck and Fred, seen in Jaller 14 and Jaller: The Movie), and hurting Jaller. Kyle's hobbies are hurting Jaller, hurting anyone, throwing rocks and fruit at any one or thing smaller than him, and just stabbing the people or things bigger than him. *Hali (Nuparu) - Jaller's babysitter who hates everything. He is now on vacation.Many people believe Hahli's name is "Nuparu", but actually Hahli was named after his Uncle Hahli. Hahli was an only child. He never knew his parents, and lived with his uncle, who enjoyed watching Barney while standing on his head. After his uncle broke his neck, Hahli moved in with one of his uncle's friends. He really felt unbalanced when a pack of angry bunnies came and devoured his uncle's friends. He had to move into an old apartment and decided right then that his motto would be "I hate life." A few years later he was given the upsetting job of watching over Jaller. Hahli despised this. He never liked Jaller, as in preschool Jaller would always sing "The Star Spangled Banner" right in his face during nap-time. Hahli observed as Jaller lost a band, a job, and actually started to pity him when he attempted suicide. After the sixth suicide attempt, Hahli really felt for Jaller. He decided to have a heart to heart Jaller, which ended in Jaller lighting Hahli's head on fire. No one knows how that happened. After the fire accident, Hahli has resumed laughing at Jaller's pain and seems to like it that way. His hobbies are watching Jaller hurt himself, watching MTV, and shouting insults at deaf people, knowing they cant hear him, so they wont mind. *Hewkii - Jaller's younger brother. He has something against busses for some reason. He also is sort of acting like Jaller now, doing completely stupid and worthless things. In Jaller Awakens, he flailed his arms around and destroyed an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico, which makes him the cause of the huge oil spill. *Axonn - Jaller's uncle. He also hates Jaller. Jaller once stole a trophy from him. He was the preacher for Jaller's three funerals. *White Dude - Jaller's cousin and Axonn's son. His real name is Matoro, but Jaller for some reason can't say his name, so he just calls him White Dude. *Un-Car - a car ordered by Sugar to run over Jaller. In Jaller 7, he was replaced with a ball. It hasn't been seen since episode 17, but it was finally seen again in Jaller Awakens, in which it ran into Jaller and killed him the second time. *Sugar - Jaller's sworn enemy. He was beaten by Jaller's group twice, the second time he was killed by the Black Piraka. *Batso - So far, he has only appeared in Jaller 2 Randomania. His voice is very high-pitched, and he comes with his own sub-titles. He also knew the location of a time machine. *Black Piraka - The black Piraka. He was one of Sugar's minions until he killed Sugar and became one of Jaller's friends. Reoccurring Characters Characters that have had numerous appearances in the series. *Seizure elephant - A regular elephant that has seizures. When it does, Jaller's always there to sing his song, "The Elephant's Having a Seizure." Also used as the republican symbol. *Cat - a cat. *Joaquin - a "foreign exchange student from Mexico." He appeared in episode 17 and got attacked by bombs from his country that was at war, then again in part 22, but then he dug a hole to another country. He was later in Jaller Awakens, in which he attended Jaller's three "funerals." *Jaller's Abs - Jaller isn't using these as of late, so it acts like an independnet being. It hasn't been used in several episodes. *Voice - the guy who introduces the episodes by saying, "The Adventures of...Jaller! Part (episode number)." *Random Stranger - some guy. He owes Jaller one million dollars. He usually inflicts pain upon him. Guest Characters Characters that have only appeared for one clip in an episode. *Scooby Doo and Shaggy - he appeared once in episode 14 for one clip. *Calculus-loving nerd - He made an appearance once in Jaller 2: Randomania yelling, "I love calculus!" *Pumpkin - One of Sugar's minions. He has so far only appeared in Jaller 2: Randomania. He was hired by Sugar after being challenged by Pumpkin to hit him. *General Cupcake - Another one of Sugar's minions. He forcibly joined Sugar when Pumpkin joined. *Dark Shadow - An assassin hired by Sugar to kill Jaller. He was killed by Axonn when his respirator was ripped off his back. *Brown Piraka - The brown Piraka. He was shot several times and killed by Hewkii during the first battle with Sugar. *Gadunka - A very stupid creature hired by Sugar. He was killed by Sugar during the first fight against him and his head was used to kill the Hewkii clone. **Gadunka 2000 - Sugar's secret weapon against Jaller during the second fight. He was blown up after the White Dude threw his sword in his mouth. *Old people - Tahu, Lewa, and Gali Mata. They were used by Gadunka as weapons that were thrown at Jaller. Tahu lost an arm the last time he did something stupid. *Chuck and Fred - two Vahki. Both of them were eventually killed (though one survived even though his head was cut off by White Dude. The head talked to Jaller, which scared him). Also Kyle's "friends". *Butthorn - some guy tortured by Jaller in Jaller 20. *Moby Dick - A thing also annoyed by Jaller in Jaller 20. *Biology book - It shouldn't be alive, but it too was annoyed by Jaller in Jaller 20. *Yogurt - the black Rahkshi. It too is retarded like Jaller, and his sentences are usually one word said muliple times. *Bush - A small little thing that's really one leg with a head on it. He is Dark Shadow's assistant. *Writers - Not actually seen, but do have a speaking part in Jaller part 19. They also go on a strike during that part. *Fat Jason - a character only used during Jaller 14. Jaller climbed him, but was knocked off. *Jaller's voice - He is shown twice: the first time during "Jaller forgot Thanksgiving" and the second time during Jaller part 26 *Donkey - used as the Democrat symbol. *Ice Cream - some sort of Ice-cream thing. When Jaller approached it, the thing poped out it's arms and head and attacked Jaller. *Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle - a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle that fell on Jaller, then said, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" *Alternate Car - a car in an alternate world. It possibly has the same purpose as the Un-Car. The only difference is that this car is a truck. *Crazy Walking Man - A running person whom Hahli punched while in the alternate world. *Fish - a polar bear Jaller found in the alternate world. He later jumped on Jaller, and was also seen falling down a flight of stairs *Random person - a person who was seen walking in front of the camera during Jaller 15 *Camera - the camera. Randomly, only Jaller can see it. He only sees (and mentions) it during the movies *Giant Hand - a hand that grabs Jaller in the alternate world *Fat guy - A guy who fell on Jaller and Hali in the alternate world *"Kitty" - a raccoon who said, "Cocaine!" before biting Jaller *Evil Calender - Hali's present to the White Dude. It fell on White Dude when he opened the box. *Asparagus - Hali's present to Jaller. the dog tackled Jaller when he was named. *Frosty the Snowman - a snowman. He later melted and Jaller was very sad. *Pepperface - Jaller's horse. He later died protecting Jaller. *Mustardnose - another horse owned by Jaller (possibly to replace Pepperface). *Toa Kringle - "The Chronicles of Jaller" version of Santa Clause. He also now hates Jaller. *Devoured Tyrannosaurus Rex Carcass - an eaten T-rex carcass. Jaller asked what it was thankful for, then started eating it. *Singing Animal Sponsers - singing animals that apparently sponser the show. *Jaguar - a pet owned by Hewkii. He is harmless unless you say the phrase that will make him vicious. It appeared in Jaller Awakens, attending Jaller's funeral on Hewkii. *Musical Macintosh - a computer used to introduce episode 25 in place of the voice. *Darth Vader - he who got Jaller to join the Dark Side by giving him a Dorito. *Flamingo - a flamingo. Jaller refers to it as a "pretty lady." *Piranha - a piranha that attacked Jaller Mahri. *Vegetales people - see name *Random Lego people - a ton of random Lego people watching Jaller. *Yoda - a Yoda Pez-holder. *Darth Vader 2 - same as Yoda. *Jaller's Arm - Jaller's arm. It somehow climbed up a ledge. It's been in all the episodes, but in episode 3 it acted like an independent being. *Dinosaur - a dinosaur that ate Jaller's head in part 4. *Batman - In the Jaller movie, he was seen being kicked by Kyle. *My Little Pony Horse - a horse that appeared in Jaller twice: the first time it was just there while Jaller was singing, "My little pony, my little pony!" then again when his abs stole it from him. *Dead Guy - a dead person (who even said he was dead to Hewkii). *Army Men - a bunch of blue and tan-colored army men used as Sugar's army in Randomania. Some of them were eaten by Jaller, but the rest were somehow defeated by him. *Talking Skull - a talking skull that Jaller ate. Unused Characters Characters that should have appeared, but didn't. *Brown Piraka Drone - a character meant to be in Jaller 2: Randomania. *Pudding - The red Rahkshi. He, too, was supposed to be in Randomania Episodes and More Episodes *26 episodes, including: **Outdoor Extravaganza (Part 7) **Kyle Edition! (Part 10) **Jaller's Day Off (Part 13) **2-Part Christmas Special (both Part 16) **Let It Snow (Part 18) *2 Thanksgiving Specials ("Jaller Wishes You a Happy Thanksgiving" and "Jaller Forgot Thanksgiving") *The Best of Jaller *Jaller Raps *Jaller Gets Swine Flu *Jaller Awakens *Jallerfield (upcoming) Movies *Jaller 1: The Movie *Jaller 2: Randomania *Jaller 3: Quantum of Stupidity (Upcoming) Commercials and More *"No more Jaller" *Jaller 2: Randomania (several) *"Alien Away" *Geico commercial *Hulu commercial spoof *Jaller Says LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! *Jaller 3 (a few) *Facebook *Jallerfield (one) *How Jaller Gets Hurt *Jaller Fourm *Hewkii's Youtube Channel Rating There are very few inappropriate things. Some have brief bad-language and things that are not that great for kids to see, one of them is a 3-letter word on a book! Overall, the series is very hilarious. Watching it would be recommended. Canon Info Jaller is a Ta-Matoran who lived in Ta-Metru, Metru-Nui. He later became a villager of Ta-Koro when the Toa Metru moved the Matoran and themselves to Mata Nui. The Toa Metru became Turaga, and Jaller became a Toa Inika, and then a Toa Mahri. Today, we may not know what he's doing (and I mean the canon jaller). I think he became a Toa Mystyria. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGAejVJYoUs&feature=channel Category:My Version of That Character Category:Series Category:The Chronicles of Jaller